It's all caffiene-free, faux punk fatigue.

OTAY

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 04:38:45 GMT

OTAY ,
SO TODAY I BOUGHT SHOES WHATEVER, AND WENT TO ITALIAN CONDOS AND ATE RAVIOLI THAT DIDNT COME FROM A CAN AND REAL ITALIAN PIZZA.
I ALSO WENT TO JOE'S THE OTHER DAY AND ATE EVERYTHING.
IM SO FAT IM TALKING ABOUT FOOD.
OVER ALL I HAD FUN WITH ANN AND GIN&TONIC.
LIFE IS GREAT
LIFE
IS
DUMB.

I hate it, I HATE IT!

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 05:34:10 GMT

I can't stand myself. I hate my life. I hate them. I love him.
WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? : ( UGGGGGGGGH
STUPID
GAY
MOFUCKNG asjhfsdgker.
nooo!!!!!!!!!!! I AM NOT OKAY.

SCHEDULE I HOPE...!

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 02:51:50 GMT

July 06 OR 07- Is Guitar Shopping UGH I HOPE...and FOR SHORTS DAMMIT.
July 08 IS WHAT?
THE REST OF THE WEEK IS HELL.
JULY 14th IS KILL MYSELF DAY AND JOEY'S BRUNCH DAY meaning we crash his place.
JULY 15th IS ITALIAN POOL PARTY! HAYYYYYYYYYY! :)

Dear Life,

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 04:52:19 GMT

Today was nothing special. Canada Day 'tay. But nothing more. Today Andy and I stuffed our faces at the party, eating ice cream and BBQ. Holy shit I felt like a whale. Wait I am but whatever. Today I kept hallucinating, it was horrid. Sudden Flashbacks made me flinch from the sudden pain i felt, which I really couldn't describe. I felt so Adrenalinic, I couldn't tell wether...I was over excited, furious or afraid. All I know was that I was suddenly spazzing like a mental person. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE save me from myself, before I hurt me. I wish I could just get him out of my mind, but it's as if he'll permanently be there. FOREVER. And I could and would never get over him. But we're different. For some reasons I felt that I had conditions...we were just so not alike. It would have never worked out anyway. Though I broke up with him, I feel like he's the one who hurt me. But I hurt him first. LIFE IS SO DEMANDING, SO OVER RATED. IT'S so complicated. I D K what to say.
But I'm waiting for someone to save me...and I just hope it's him. PATHETIC because this life ain't a fairy tale.

SUMMER PLAYLIST,

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 17:14:36 GMT

Tegan & Sara- I know I know I know
Pretty Girls Make Graves- The Number
Death From Above 1979- Romantic Rights
Robots In Disguise- DJ's Got A Gun
Cansei De Ser Sexy- Let's Make Love And Listen To Death From Above
Blood Brothers- Love Rhymes With Hideous Car Wreck
Regina Spektor- Ghost Of Corporate Future
Metric- Handshakes
Family Force 5- Luv Addict
The Number 12 Looks Like You- If These Bullets Could Talk
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Art Star
Bloc Party- Banquet
You Say Party! We Say Die! - Monster
The Grates- Science Is Golden
Be Your Own Pet- Wild Cat!
Model Photographer- Cassette Tape
The Dandy Warhols- Grunge Betty
The Like- June Gloom
Meg&Dia- Cardigan Weather
Neon Blonde- Headlines
Feist- 1234
Eisley- Telescope Eyes
The Ramones- Hey Ho!

IDK :) MUSIC IS MY BOYFRIEND.

A Letter From The Ex-Girlfriend.

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 05:33:18 GMT

Dear Past,
I've never given much thought of how much I would miss you until you were truly, really gone. I have realized your worth day by day.
Small things like the scent of your skin every Monday morning would break me. I had remembered every detail valuable or not.
I'd remember the way the hairs from the back of your neck would stand up whenever I kissed you.
Or simply the way you played with my hair.
How you held my hand tightly but gently, to warm them inside your pocket.
The way you would hug me for what seemed like forever when you could finally see me at the end of the day.
How your thumb would circle around the palms of my hands to relax me.
The way you read outloud whenever you write.
The way you looked at me and spoke to me, as if choosing your words carefully.
The way you slouch, which truly shows how imperfect you are, which just makes you even more perfect to me.
I can't understand why I simply just can't get over you, as if you are permanently a part of me. And I can't change that.
I regret ever saying those words to you. Even though now it's too late and I can't go back.
I'm sorry if I ever hurt you.
So I end this letter to mark a new beginning. I hope you never ever forget me, after all I was your first.

Love,
Catherine

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 04:21:00 GMT

I know I know I know

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 04:02:06 GMT

from hundreds of miles yeah, you cry like a baby
you plead with me, shout, scream, tell me I'm staying
I know I know I know, I'm still your love
back from the last place that I wanted to fake you laugh with me, shout, scream now tell me you're staying
I know I know I know, you're still my love
the same as I love you, you'll always love me too
this love isn't good unless it's me and you
box after box and you're still by my side
the weather is changing and breaking my stride
I know I know I know, it's just this day
house after house, just like car after car
you see club after club and it all seems so far
I know I know I know what else are we here for
the same as I love you, you'll always love me too
this love isn't good unless it's me and you
stick your hands inside of my pockets
keep them warm while I'm still here
tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all
last night I was writing about you
I know my screaming and shouting won't keep you
I know I know I know, you're still my love
I wake up to the sound of you working
you're one room right over, stressing and loving me
I know I know I know, be still my love
the same as I love you, you'll always love me too
this love isn't good unless it's me and you
stick your hands inside of my pockets
keep them warm while I'm still here
tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all
stick your heart inside of my chest
keep it warm here while we rest
tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all
the same as I love you, you'll always love me too
this love isn't good unless it's me and you
the same as I love you, you'll always love me too
this love isn't good unless it's me and you

Joe inspired me to make a list (shout outs) to my deeaar ones,

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 03:55:34 GMT

Here it goes.

My Shoulder, My Life, My Reason to live, Jordan Matthews (Jo)
My Love, My First, My Weakness, David I. (ughh :X)
My Tea, Caffiene, Music To My Ears, My Book, My Theatre, Virginia Marchione (Regina Regina)
My Drugs, My Sugar, My Sense Of Humor, Andrea Africa (neenee)
My Fashion, My Dear, My Help, My Cousin, Kimberly Lim (Kimchi)
My Words, My Faith, My Laughs, Mary Ann Cortez (Ann)
My Sister, I owe her my life, My Blood, Norwin Anne Pabitu (Anne)
My Guardian Angel, The Brother I Never Had, Joey Delloro (JOE!)
He Spazzes, He Cares, He Loves, The Torpe, Jason Recillo (EMO)
My Alcohol, Understanding, My Brain, Heart Breaker, Abbey Gail Fuentes (ABZ)
My Sex Life, My Experience, My Teacher, Patricia Benividez (PAAT)
My Sworn Enemy, Villain, Sister, Best Friend, Tommmeeeeey Hamz. (TOMZY)
My Reflection, My idol, My Summer, Lesley Dalmacio (Lely)
My Sugar, My Fashion Icon, My Music, Charmaine Ponce (Charmsicle)
DOMO, DEAR FRIEND, Natasha Plona (NATA)
Model, Doll Faced, Simona Tucci (SIM)
My Voice, My Heart, And Soul, Mother.
My Little Brother, The Fool, The Bother, Luigi Africa (LuLu)
Cousin In Lawness, Candy Buddy, MY SUGAR, Elisha Kumar (e-lie)
My Doll, Blue Eyed Asian, Icon, Role Model, Chelsey Baladad (Chelse)
Caterpillar, Queen Of Hearts, My Supertitions, Alexandra Rose Smith (Lexie)
My Pretty Twin, The Lolita, The Pretty Faced, Fatima Arias (Tim)
My Heroin, My Noodles, Mocha Latte, My Animation, Jocelyn Arcentales (Josie)
My Child, My Friend, The Beauty & Brain, Novelita Salem (NOVIE!)
My Slip On Buddy, The Mouth, Scott Uminga (Skawty)
My Colour, The Light, My Make Up, Laura Dedovic (Lorla)
The Beauty, The Beast, The Geek, The Scholar, My Hero, Michelle Grace Lim (Mish)
The Kawaii, Inloved, My Blondie, Rescelle Ragragio
The Friendly, Humble, My Kindness, Maryritz Ragragio
TNA BITCH, Emma Barnes & Justine Ledochowski (LOLZ)
My AJSJSAJFGJEJGMSAGF My SAJFGAWHR My STALKER, Sampson Hales
Ahh, My Supernatural, The Barbie Doll, Montana, (?)
Alice In Wonderland, Hollister, Hannah (?)
The Heart, The Amazing, My Dream Guy, My Past Romance, Petter Dan Nguyen

(L)

Dear Andrea,

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 00:09:41 GMT

You may be behind me and talking to Elley and have no idea what I'm saying but I think I pity you. LOL cuz you have to walk so far, the busstop is like 57283754637423332454565 Miles away from your lovely haunted house, that seems normal now. But watch tonight. :) lolz. Stop reading what I'm typing outloud. Your mouse is confusing like hell, its so swirly and slidy it's frustrating. And your chair, I could nearly fall. Andrea's room is so big her house is bootyful. With Double Garage doors and stuff. WITH A PANG OF ENVY IN MY SYSTEM.
"ELI! ELI!" She yells into the phone laughing like there's sugar in her system.
Right now ANdrea is arguing and my sister is buggin me about something.

I THINK WE SHOULD CALL YOU NINI or NEE NEE From now on. I think it's marvelous. Then Elley could be ELY. :O
CUSTY.
ANYWAYS IM OFF WHILE I RAIDD YOUR CLOSET OF DESIGNER CLOTHES AND PLAN OUR FUTURE CONDO TOGETHER.

With Love,
CAT CAT

KIDS!

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 03:12:12 GMT

Yes, He called me. In that minute I felt that strange feeling in your stomach kind of thing? It was just like the old days, but not exactly. It still hurts though. I can't find words that describe how I feel, It's just scattered everywhere. TRASHED. Oh god I just read the last entry. Sorry guys I must've been too drunk to have realized wtf I was saying/typing. DRAMAAMAMAMAMAMAMA KWEEN. WASTED BITCH I AM.
I don't exactly remember the last time I enjoyed my life. But for sure you don't need romance to complete it. FOR SURE. Or Drugs Or Alcohol. But sometimes I do, to ease the pain, then you come to realize that it comes back harsher, hitting you. HANG OVERS.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, when was the last time I was ever happy? When was the last time I smiled? When wwas the last time I laughed? I do remember the last time I cried. The last time I got wasted. I FEEL SO TRASHED RIGHT NOW.
I could eat a unicorn. SOMETIMES I THINK I AM MEANT TO LIVE IN A MENTAL INSTITUTE SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.
Don't you think? IDK WHO WOULD BE READING THIS DAMN WAASTE OF SPACE, BUT IF YOU ARE. PITY ME. DON'T YOU PITY ME? MY TORTURED SOUL? LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ LOZL LOZL. Mental Institute. (Y)

Dear Diary?

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 20:55:20 GMT

Today, I had nothing better to do than READ READ READ READ READ READ READ. Is that so awfully boring? I have like no life at all, I hope I don't waste my damn summer. Anyway, today I was so depressed over the unknown. Or maybe I just really miss him? I can't admit that I do love him, a lot, a lot, a lot. It hurts too much to think, to know, that there's someone in his mind, someone keeping him up at night, someone who makes him smile, who makes his day, and makes him weak. And that someone is not me, not anymore.
It's depressing to see sunshine, or rain. It's depressing that such small things could remind me of him, and make me cry.
It's depressing to see such good relationships to waste, while I would have never made the same mistake again.
Nobody understands, nobody cares. BECAUSE obviously I'm not the only one going through it.
It's depressing to see her in pain, under drug's spell. I hardly know her, I miss her, my Mother.
UGH I HATE MY LIFE. SOMETIMES I WANT TO PUT A BAG OVER MY HEAD, "MAKE IT QUICK!". Or Overdose on deadly pills ,
CHUG BLEACH, OR HANG MY FAT NECK ON A FAT ROPE. "MAKE IT QUICK!" I say.

There's a fucking deer, on the fucking lawn.
There's a bitchin' bitch on the fucking floor.
There's a piece of shit on your pretty face.
OMiFUCKINGgawd, There's drugs in your big fat skinny system.
" WAATER ON YOUR FACE IS IT? " Why are you bleeding?
You don't deserve this fucking suffering.
You don't deserve such pretty pain.
PAIN AND SUFFERING IS TOO GOOD and You are not so rewarding.
I am NO FUCKING demon, but PAIN IS FUCKING lie.
What do you know about LOVE? It doesn't exist in my world
ANYMORE.
ANYMORE.
I EAT TRAGEDIES.
OMY PAIN KILLERS DON'T WORK ANYMORE SO JUST SLIT IT.
CUT IT OPEN AND WATCH IT JUICE.
JUICE BEFORE YOUR non-believin eyes.
What do you mean?
I'm not crazy, I'm just like you motherfucking kids.
FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD.
LIFE TRAUMATIZED ME..........................................
jsdjtakeykelysadk!

FUCKED UP LIFE,

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 16:11:54 GMT

Locked up in these four walls,
Like an animal in a zoo,
She's following me,
She's everywhere.
They won't believe me,
They Don't want to.
They say I'm crazy.
I'm not They are!
Unconciousness takes over me.
Bright lights blinding,
I'm alone.
AM I?
IS SHE STiLL FOLLOWING ME?
I am my own brain's prisoner.
IT's FUCKING RAINING.
BFFL BESIDE ME.
Everything is alright for her.
I AM INSANE
INSANE
INSANE
SAVE ME FROM MYSELF
BEFORE I PUT A BAG OVER MY HEAD.

THIS SUMMERRRRRRRRRR....

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 03:27:31 GMT

- I am going to catch up with my acoustic guitar lessons. X[
- ART CLASSES/ PAINTING AND PHOTOGRAPHY SOME PLACE.
- YMCA LOLZ!
- FIND A SUMMER JOB LOLZ.

HELLLLL YEA.

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 02:09:42 GMT

TOMORROW IS GONNA LE BOMB.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 01:12:29 GMT

Okay ,
So today was nothing special. Went to downtown, HAD A HEATSTROKE? LOLZLOLZLOZL.
Okay Tomorrow I might see a movie with BLUENETTE, But Idk yet? 1408? ANYBODY WANT TO COME?
(L). MSSG ME OR WHATEVER. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIRTHDAY ABBEY ABBEYGAIL, I SPENT LIKE $ 23293409343843843 ON UR GIFT, EVEN THOUGH UR BIRTHDAY IS ON AUGUST, I AM A FOOL.
So I need to talk to my ecks, before I die of temporary insanity.

KTHX JUST DIE

THESE SHOES ARE MADE FOR ME.

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 03:38:11 GMT

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111

SOMEONE BUY ME THESE :) AND I WILL LOVE YOU 4evvvvvvvvrrrrrrrrrrrr

MADE FOR ME! LOLZ (L)

werd

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 03:25:35 GMT

Planns, wurd up Hawti!!!!!!!!!

ABC. DOWNTOWN BBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111
DEF. ITALIAN POOL PARTEEEEEEEEEY @ REgina REginia's
GHI. SUM1z ANNI, WHATS THUR FACEZ? <33333333
JKL. ENDLESS PARTY LIKE THURS NO TOMORROOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW,
MNO. GIGZ AND SHOWWWWWWWS. :O!
PQR. ROMANCEZ OFCOURSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE
STU. PMALLLL AZN MADDNESSSS INVAZN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111 :)
VWX. LIKE RECOVER FRUM HART BREAKK! :(
YZz. SHIT SUN ENJOi.

ajsfgheshetje LOLOLOLOLO SUMMMMERRRRRRRRRRRR GAYSAHS :)

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 01:21:09 GMT

KKKKKKKKKKKK,
So... What do I Want To Do This Summer?

001. Have fun
002. Party
003. Shopp
004. Discover New Music
005. Go to Gigz
006. Lose Weight (srsly)
007. Love...
008. Meet New People
009. Read
010. Take Photographs <3
011. Experience.
012. GET A MOTHER FUCKING JOB
013. Forget about Facebook.
014. & MSN...
015. Stay Up All Nights
016. But wake up early (NOT TO BURN DAYLIGHT.)
017. Leave it all behind.
018. Laugh
019. CRUSH, romance
020. Discover
021. Explore
022. MALLIN'
023. Just Disappear .
024. Just .......urhg
025. Not be EMO FOR ONCE.
026. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
027. Quit Weedness and Alcohol.
028. Switch to Decaf (y)
029. HATE. HIM. SON. OF. A. BIATCH COW.
030. JUST DIE.

SGsdgsaEdADsavgdsv bda

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 20:12:44 GMT

He don't love me no more,
I don't mind I guess.
'Cause I could use this hopelessness
you mind ask what for,
It pains me to confess.
Feeling good is useless.
Since you find no joy or hapiness.
Consider this one over.
Since I found no love in your caress.
Consider this one over.

</3

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 22:19:25 GMT

"I know that this will hurt, but if I don't break your heart, things will just get worse. If the burden seems too much to bear, remember...The end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

</3

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 23:07:34 GMT

As soon as I woke up this morning,
I knew it was going to be a bad day.
Why is it that I'm always wrong?
Or when I'm right, it doesn't really count.
Why is it, that everything in my life is so negative?
Why are some things more important than others?
Why do important things matter less?
Or why does it have to end this way?
Sometimes, I don't even understand anymore.
I'm tired of trying, and not getting credit for it.
I'm tired of losing, and getting consequences for it.
I'm tired of being, insignificant.
As if I don't matter at all.
I know I don't deserve some things, but why?
I know I'm hopeless, but what can I do?
AND I DO KNOW, I don't deserve what I'm going through.
Why is it that bad things happen to innocent people.
What have I done wrong?
Where is this going?
What can I say?
MAYBE I DO DESERVE ALL THIS SUFFERING.
Maybe I DID something wrong and did not realize.
Or maybe I'm just not deserving at all.
Why does things have to mess up?
Why does everyone have to pick on me?
Why? why? WHY?
As soon as I woke up this morning,
I knew it was going to be a bad day.
Just like every other day.

mdgjadGfdz

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 03:34:10 GMT

So I sat there, and stared at him...
He didn't notice how I looked at him, It was different.
He didn't notice how careful I was. Very careful.
I just sat there...watching him.
He smiles and I just melt...
It surprises me that he remembers some things.
I wish he knew.
But he doesn't see me like that.
He doesn't notice me a lot.
I don't mean anything to him.
He means a lot to me.
Because we're different.
But somewhat the same.
He doesn't know that.
He doesn't care.
So I sat there, and stared at him.

Emo,

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 03:14:47 GMT

I'm getting into you
Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into you
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love you with my life

"He said, I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into"

I can't explain how I feel right now....
I think that's the point though, I can't make up my mind.
Whether to just go for it, or just stay silent.
There's only 4 days left...Everything is going by so fast.
UGHHHH, What's going to happen next?
I wish he knew....
EVERYTHING IS STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN.
I can't wait 2 months.....Ugh.
Why does everything got to be so damn complicated?
This is so random.
LIFE SUCKS.

SNAP

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 21:41:10 GMT

So, today was a bit dumb,
I skipped like half the day and sat by the stairs sketching.
NU LIFE.
AGAGAGaGghh, Fuck this life,
so okay I think I like this guy in my claass but I don't want to.
X( It's just not right.
LIKE OMGZ, like what Kya Joe says,
"LOVE HITS YOU...-something-something-"
0_0 God, I'm so lame.

OMG I NEED YOU, I need someone who'll save me :(
My life is traumatizing it's insane.....
WHY DO I ALWAYS END UP LIKING THE JERKS???
ughh i got no loveable nice guys in my life. I DID >.<

"He don't love me no more,
I don't mind I guess.
'Cause I could use this hopelessness
you mind ask what for...?
It pains me to confess.
Feeling good is useless.
Since you find no joy or hapiness.
Consider this one over."